12 Tips For the Runner’s Spouse

Happy National Running Day!
One of the best parts about running marathons is having people in your life rally around you to lift you up when you need, listen to you whine about miles that didn’t go well and celebrate the ones that went awesome.  Even better are those people that travel to the races, hold signs for hours to only see you blow by for about 2 seconds.  And you know help pay for this strange and healthy obsession.  Those people are our spouses {partners, significant others}.  The few and the proud {and patient, loving and weather resistant}.  After back to back marathon of spectating and training and supporting, MB wanted to share his tips for being successfully, happily, blissfully {editorial privilege} married to a runner.

1.  Immediately buy stock in the following products {after you Google them to figure out their use}:  KT tape, body glide, cliff shots, Nuun hydration tablets, the stick, foam rollers, spi belt.
photo (2)
i like to pretend this all only cost about $10.
2.  Get good at pretending that standing around for 4-6 hours on a Sunday in any given weather situation is exactly what you had in mind when you intoned “for better or worse” on your wedding day.  Also explore your own hobbies:  looking at cat gifs on your phone, reading and people watching serve well in these standing situations.
step 1 take goofy picture.  step 2 stand for an hour.
3.  Accept that all forms of spandex are sexy, very very expensive — AND THAT THEY CANNOT BE DRIED IN THE DRYER! Remember this, or suffer the wrath of a grouchy runner whose favorite $150 (?!?!) spandex tights no longer fit.
4.  Take up running or biking so you can spend time with your partner for the majority of the day on Sunday.  Remember to NEVER run or bike faster or further than they do.  This is all about them.  Always.  Every time.  Even if you’re training for something.  Like your own race.  Or your job.
we ran the 5K together in the morning. then she ran the 10 miler that night.
5.  Try not to get offended when your spouse invites you on their “recovery” run post race but has to drop you at home halfway through their ten miler (??!?!)
6.  Make friends with other people who don’t run marathons so SOMEONE will be super impressed with your 10K finish.
brunch regardless of the distance covered
7.  Get used to the term racecations and accept that it is a trick for your spouse to combined all the races they want to do combined with that “relaxing time away” you were promised after the last marathon cycle.  See “Every Disney Vacation” LNRB and I have been on since 2012.
 I understand you have to move slowly and whine a lot because you got up at 2:45 this morning to do something you paid over $100 for, it’s fine.
8.  Find a job that allows for 70+ vacation days a year to go on said racecations.
9.  And maybe find a second job with the same vacation plan to help pay for them.
10.  Don’t be jealous of all your spouse’s virtual friends.  I usually lose my runner for about 5 hours a week to various Twitter chats:  run chat, Team run Disney chat, Bib chat, sweat pink chat, race chat.  Find a series of shows that you can watch while they stare intently at their phone during these hours.  And don’t even think of interrupting them.  This is serious time spent communing with hundreds of people you’ve never met.
11.  Accept races as the third member of your relationship.  Even when they’re not racing, they’re searching for races, talking about races, or planning races with their run friends {see tip #10}.  And you  better show at least some interest or sign of life during these monologues.
yes, I did hear you say you can’t wait to get doused with color.
12.  Know that every single mile, your runner is thinking of you cheering them across that finish line and they appreciate everything you’ve sacrificed to help get them there.  LNRB has told me that she usually tries to think about what I’m doing at the beginning of each mile.  Usually it’s reading the Onion or Facebook but I always tell her it’s cheering her on silently {which I’m doing, obviously}.
Does our partner have any tips to add to the list?

5 thoughts on “12 Tips For the Runner’s Spouse

  1. icf says:

    i love everything about this. hilarious, spot-on and very well-written.

    also, MB, put those guns away. they ain’t legal here!

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